How to write an action scene

TODAY  I offer you a guest post by Fred Johnson (@fredbobjohn), an editor at Standout Books.

For new writers, throwing in a few combat scenes can seem like an easy way to add some excitement to a novel, but the reality is that violence can be incredibly difficult to pull off effectively. There are many pitfalls writers will fall into when writing about violence, so I want to talk about what they are and how you can avoid them. In their places, I’ve offered up two main alternative methods that I think work for ninety percent of combat scenes.

Violence: The Detailed Method

If you’re writing a fight or battle scene in genre fiction, detailed description will be the way to go nine times out of ten. This is because a fight scene of any scale and duration is likely to involve two or more people tied up in an incredibly fast-paced and complex process. Detailed description serves to guide the reader through the confusion and helps your readers suspend their disbelief. Some of the worst combat scenes I’ve ever edited have said something along the lines of:

Bob disarmed the guard and killed the seven men behind him.

What? How did he do that? He’s only guy against eight assailants. Did he snap his fingers and they all dropped dead?

Don’t be like the author of Bob’s brief fight—you need to make your readers believe it’s possible that your James Bond-esque hero shot his way through two hundred trained henchmen, despite what their brains are telling them.

Combat must be shown, not told. It needs to be specific, and it needs to be rooted in concrete actions. This is doubly true if it’s a case of an underdog protagonist surmounting impossible numbers. After all, for the reader to stay immersed in your story, they need to be able to believe the story’s events. If those events are too preposterous, that’s it—you’ve lost your readers.

Take, for example, this scene from fantasy writer David Gemmell’s White Wolf:

When the death blow came it was so sudden that many in the crowd missed it. Agasarsis lunged. Skilgannon met the attack, blocking the lunge and rolling his blade round the saber of Agasarsis. The two men leapt back. Blood suddenly gushed from Agasarsis’s severed jugular. The champion tried to steady himself, but his legs gave way, and he fell to his knees before his killer. Servaj realized that, even as he parried, Skilgannon had flicked the point of his saber across the throat of his opponent. Agasarsis pitched face forward to the earth.

Every movement and detail is picked apart here, slowed down, and recounted by a third-party spectator. The result is a climactic and vivid end to an important encounter.

For the same reason, action movies favor slow-motion effects and sharp editing. The complex and unlikely actions presented need to be slowed down and examined to be believed. Imagine if, in The Matrix, Neo and Trinity simply arrived to rescue Morpheus and told him, “Oh, yes, we killed those fifty guardsmen downstairs. No sweat.” No, we need to see this action to believe it. This is much the same for novels.

Violence: The Implicit Method

The alternative method for writing good violent action only works in certain situations, such as in literary fiction and detective novels. The method operates around what is left unsaid. Consider Myrtle’s death in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s enormously popular novel The Great Gatsby:

A moment later she rushed out into the dusk, waving her hands and shouting—before he could move from his door the business was over. The “death car” as the newspapers called it, didn’t stop; it came out of the gathering darkness, wavered tragically for a moment, and then disappeared around the next bend.

The precise moment of Myrtle’s death isn’t depicted. Here. We don’t see the impact or hear the scream, and yet we know with terrible certainty that Myrtle is dead. This kind of quiet violence gains power through how understated it is. It totally relies on the power of context. When you attempt to use an implied moment of violence, your prose has to boil over. You’ll want short, punchy sentences and resonant concrete images. For example, this fight between two antagonists from a fantasy novel I edited recently:

The final blow struck Samson hard in the chest. He reeled back, his knees trembling like aspens before giving way beneath him. The hooded woman watched him fall, saw his eyes widen. Slowly, she drew the long dirk from her boot and ran her finger along its edge. “You’re in for a long night,” she said softly.

This is the equivalent of when, in a movie, the door swings closed on the man bound to the chair in the mafia den. The scene cuts off, and although we don’t see anything, we all know bad things are happening.

Reducing violent action to two alternative rules might seem rather limiting. I have, after all, suggested either spelling everything out in candid, straightforward language or giving the reader just enough so that she/he can work out what’s going to happen. It could be said that I haven’t left much room for any middle ground. Of course, great writers will always find ways to flout these guidelines, so don’t feel like you have to limit yourself. Writing is an art, not an exact science, and there’s always room for experimentation. That said, to break the rules, you have to first be aware of them.

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Services
paulthayerbookeditor.com


Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge of the English language and the craft of fiction to help writers improve their work, offering them critiques and line editing.

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Fumblerules of Writing

Much of this humorous list was originally compiled by George L. Trigg, et al.

1. Make sure each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.

2. Just between you and I, the case of pronouns is important.

3. Watch out for irregular verbs that have crope into English.

4. Verbs has to agree in number with their subjects.

5. Don’t use no double negatives.

6. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

7. The passive voice is to be ignored.

8. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

9. Kill all exclamation points!!!

10. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

11. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

12. Being bad grammar, a writer should not use dangling modifiers.

13. Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

14. A writer must not shift your point of view.

15. About sentence fragments.

16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

17. Don’t use run-on sentences you have to punctuate them.

18. In letters essays and reports use commas to separate items in a series.

19. Don’t use commas, that are not necessary.

20. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

22. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. Also, parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

23. Its important to use apostrophes right in everybodys writing.

24. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

26. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

27. Who needs rhetorical questions?

28. Avoid “buzz-words.” Such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.

29. One should NEVER generalize.

30. Be more or less specific.

31. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

32. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

33. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

34. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

35. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

36. In the case of a report, check to see that, jargonwise, it’s A-OK.

37. As far as incomplete constructions, they are wrong.

38. About repetition, the repetition of a word might be real effective repetition—take, for instance the repetition of the name Abraham Lincoln.

39. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

40. In my opinion, I think that an author when he is writing should definitely not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he does not really need in order to put his message across.

41. Use parallel construction not only to be concise but also clarify.

42. It behooves us all to avoid archaic expressions.

43. Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and ought to be weeded out. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

44. Consult the dictionery to avoid mispelings.

45. To ignorantly split an infinitive is a practice to religiously avoid.

46. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

47. Eschew obfuscation!

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Services
paulthayerbookeditor.com

Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge to help writers who still have a lot to learn, offering them critiques and line editing of their work.

 

 

How long should a scene be?

One of my clients asked me this question. This may seem like a dumb question, but it’s worth discussing so as to help writers who are new to the game. Short answer: The god of fiction has not prescribed the length of a scene. A scene should be as long as it needs to be in order to accomplish its goal. Each scene should be planned before the writing begins. The plan must begin with establishing its purpose. The scene should incorporate at least one of these purposes:
• Move the main plot line ahead
• Present necessary information
• Introduce or develop characters
• Create atmosphere or develop setting
• Introduce or worsen a problem
• Solve a problem
• Set up a later scene.
In addition, you must answer the following questions before you begin writing a scene:
• Who will be the viewpoint character?
• What other characters will be in this scene?
• Where will this scene take place?
• When will it take place?
• What is the primary action that will occur in the scene?
• What will generate conflict?
When you have determined the purpose of the scene, answered the questions above, and fulfilled its purpose, the scene will find its natural length.

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Services
Paulthayerbookeditor.com

Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge to help writers who still have a lot to learn, offering them critiques and line editing of their work.

The horror of compound words

NINETY percent of all spelling problems, they say, concern compound words. Should it be selfseeking or self-seeking? Is the word spelled taxpayer, tax-payer, or tax payer? In other words, is the compound closed, hyphenated, or open? Who knows? Not many of us. That’s why we all need a good unabridged dictionary and The Chicago Manual of Style. Here are a couple of compound words problems I’ve found in the manuscripts I’ve edited:

Many words that end with -like are written as one word, such as trancelike. Words using the suffix -like are generally closed unless they end with l or ll (sail-like, ball-like), contain three or more syllables (basilica-like), are compound words (vacuum-bottle-like), or are proper nouns or other words that are difficult to read (Whitman-like). One exception, though, is Christlike. Also beware of words that begin with co-. Such compounds are usually written as one word, as in coworker. In addition, no hyphen is needed when you combine an adverb with another word. An adverb modifies verbs, adjectives, other adverbs, and even complete sentences. The hyphen should be removed from a term such as heavily-guarded (The heavily guarded building . . .).

Here’s a handy guide that will help you with compound words: http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/16/images/ch07_tab01.pdf

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Services
paulthayerbookeditor.com


Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge to help writers who still have a lot to learn, offering them critiques and line editing of their work.

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The Complete Guide to Query Letters

TODAY I offer you a valuable guest post from Jane Friedman (www.janefriedman.com). Jane has 20 years of experience in the publishing industry, with expertise in digital media strategy for authors and publishers. She is the co-founder and editor of The HotHand editing Sheet, the essential newsletter on the publishing industry for authors. In addition to being a columnist for Publishers Weekly, Jane is a professor with The Great Courses, which released her 24-lecture series, “How to Publish Your Book.” She also has a book forthcoming from the University of Chicago Press, The Business of Being a Writer (March 2018). Jane speaks regularly at conferences and industry events such as BookExpo America, Digital Book World, and the AWP Conference, and has served on panels with the National Endowment for the Arts and the Creative Work Fund.


The Complete Guide to Query Letters

The stand-alone query letter has one purpose, and one purpose only: to seduce the agent or editor into reading or requesting your work. The query letter is so much of a sales piece that you should be able to write it without having written a single word of the manuscript. For some writers, it represents a completely different way of thinking about your book. It means thinking about your work as a product. And it helps to have some distance from your work to see its salable qualities.

This post focuses on query letters for novels, although much the same advice applies for memoirists as well; nonfiction book queries are addressed here. Before you query, novelists should have a finished and polished manuscript before they begin querying. Even though I repeat this recommendation again and again, numerous writers ask if they’re the exception. “But what if I’m two-thirds of the way done?” Or, “What if the manuscript is currently being copyedited and it’s almost finished?” Well, sure, you can query if you want. But what will you do if the agent/editor immediately asks for a partial or full manuscript, and you don’t have it? You may end up rushing your writing or editing process (undesirable to say the least), or admitting to the agent/editor that it will take you X weeks or months to follow up, which makes you look foolish. To avoid creating a high-pressure or awkward situation, I recommend you wait until you feel the manuscript is totally done—the best you can make it. That doesn’t mean you have to hire freelance editors or copyeditors or proofreaders, but it does mean fixing or revising anything you know needs attention.

5 basic elements of every query letter

I recommend that every query letter include these five elements, in no particular order (except the closing):

  1. Personalization: where you customize the letter for the recipient
  2. What you’re selling: genre/category, word count, title/subtitle
  3. Hook: the meat of the query; 100-200 words is sufficient for most novels
  4. Bio: optional for unpublished fiction writers
  5. Thank you and closing

This post elaborates on each of those elements, so keep reading.

How to open your query letter

You should put your best foot forward, or lead with your strongest selling point. Here are the most common ways to begin a query:

Maybe you’ve been vouched for or referred by an existing client or author; mention the referral right away. If you met the agent/editor at a conference or pitch event, and your material was requested, then put that upfront. When you’ve heard the agent/editor speak at a conference, or you read an interview or post that indicates they’re a good fit for your work, mention it. Starting with your story hook is a classic opening, but of course the hook should be compelling (more on this later). Published or credentialed writers may mention their track record, especially if they’ve won awards or received an MFA from a well-known school. However, very few fiction writers begin their query by talking about themselves because most are unpublished. (This isn’t a problem, though.) Many writers don’t have referrals or conference meetings to fall back on, so the hook becomes the lead for the query letter. Some writers start simple and direct, which is fine: “My [title] is an 80,000-word supernatural romance.”

Personalizing the query letter

Remember, your query is a sales tool, and good salespeople develop a rapport with the people they want to sell to, and show that they understand their needs. Show that you’ve done your homework, show that you care, and show that you’re not blasting indiscriminately. However, you will not be rejected if you don’t personalize your query. Still, I think it can set you apart from the large majority of writers querying—if it’s done meaningfully, and that’s the point.

Here’s an example of a strong, personalized lead. “In a January interview at the Guide to Literary Agents blog, you praised The Thirteenth Tale and indicated an interest in “literary fiction with a genre plot.” My paranormal romance Moonlight Dancer (85,000 words) blends a literary style with the romance tradition.”

If you personalize the query by saying, “I found you in Writer’s Market,” and you add nothing else, that’s not a meaningful context. You need to go further than that, and say something that can’t be added to practically every query letter you send.

Identify what you’re selling

Your book’s title, word count, and genre are generally stated upfront, although you can wait until the end of the query to spell out this information.

Title

Everyone knows your book title is tentative, so you don’t have to explicitly state the title is tentative.

Word count

If your novel’s word count is much higher than 100,000 words, you have a bigger challenge ahead of you. Eighty thousand words is the industry standard for a debut novel.  If you have an off-putting word count, some agents recommend withholding this fact until the end of the letter, once you’ve potentially hooked them.

Genre

If you’re unsure of your genre, you can leave out any mention of it; however, in such a case, I recommend drawing a comparison between your book and another (hopefully recent) title. You can say that your book is written in the same manner or style as another specific book or author, or that it has a similar tone or theme. Just be careful of overdoing it. One or two comparisons should be more than enough, and the more thoughtful the comparison, the better. Comparing yourself to a current New York Times bestselling author can come across as arrogant or too easy; it’s better to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of where your book falls in the literary landscape.

3 elements of the story hook

For most writers, the hook does all of the work in convincing the agent/editor to request your manuscript. You need to boil down your story to these three key elements: > Protagonist + his conflict > The choices the protagonist has to make (or the stakes) > The sizzle Or, you can think of the hook in terms of: what does your character want, why does she want it, what keeps her from getting it? Some genres/categories should also be sure to clarify the setting or time period. The “sizzle” is that thing that sets your work apart from all others in your genre, that makes your story stand out, that makes it uniquely yours.

Sizzle means:

This idea isn’t tired or been done a million times before. How do you know if your idea is tired? Well, this is why everyone tells writers to read and read and read. It builds your knowledge and experience of what’s been done before in your genre, as well as the conventions. When a hook is well written but boring, it’s often because it lacks anything fresh. It’s the same old formula without distinction. The protagonist feels one-dimensional (or like every other protagonist), the story angle is something we’ve seen too many times, and the premise doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. The agent or editor is thinking, “Sigh. Another one of these?” This is the toughest part of the hook—finding that special je ne sais quoi that makes someone say, “Wow, I’ve got to see more of this!” And this is often how an editor or agent gauges if you’re a storyteller worth spending time on. Sometimes great hooks can be botched because there is no life, voice, or personality in them. Sometimes so-so hooks can be taken to the next level because they convey a liveliness or personality that is seductive. I have heard an eternity of pitches featuring women as victims, survivors, single mothers, etc. If someone pitches me a story about a 43-year-old unmarried woman who has had a successful career in advertising or law or pharmaceuticals or whatever, and decides at the last minute that her biological clock’s ticking and she wants to have a child … I will wait for the writer to tell me the rest of the story. And there is no rest of the story, because in their mind, that is their story. To which I say, “Who cares?” Seriously, who will care about that storyline? No one. We have seen numerous stories about women wanting to have children later in life. I could produce a list at least two pages long consisting of books and movies with this plot line. However, if one of the main characters is a 43-year-old single businesswoman having her first child and, at the same time, her 22-year-old niece is also having her first child—because the niece does not see the benefit of having a career and only wants to be supported by a rich husband—I suddenly see some conflict here.

Whenever I teach a class where we critique hooks, just about everyone can point out the hook’s problems and talk about how to improve them. Why? Because when you’re not the writer, you have distance from the work. When you do come across a great novel hook, it feels so natural and easy—like it was effortless to write.

Examples of brief story hooks

Every day, Publishers Marketplace lists book deals that were recently signed at major New York houses. It identifies the title, the author, the publisher/editor who bought the project, and the agent who sold it. It also offers a one-sentence description of the book. These hooks are inevitably well-crafted, and can help you better understand what hooks really excite agents/publishers. While your hook would/should probably get into more detail than the following two examples, these hooks help illustrate how much you can accomplish in just a line or two.

Bridget Boland’s DOULA, an emotionally controversial novel about a doula with a sixth sense [protagonist] who, while following her calling, has to confront a dark and uncertain future when standing trial for the death of her best friend’s baby [protagonist’s problem] (a doula with a sixth sense? cool.) John

Hornor Jacobs’s SOUTHERN GODS, in which a Memphis DJ [protagonist] hires a recent World War II veteran to find a mysterious bluesman whose music [protagonist’s problem] — broadcast at ever-shifting frequencies by a phantom radio station — is said to make living men insane and dead men rise [twist]. Check for red flags in your hook.

How to tell if your hook could be improved

• Does your hook consist of several meaty paragraphs, or run longer than 200 words? You may be going into too much detail.

• Does your hook reveal the ending of your book? Only the synopsis should do that.

• Does your hook mention more than three or four characters? Usually you only need to mention the protagonist(s), a romantic interest or sidekick, and the antagonist.

• Does your hook get into minor plot points that don’t affect the choices the protagonist makes? Do you really need to mention them?

Writing about your background (your bio note)

For novelists, especially unpublished ones, you don’t have to include a bio in your query if you can’t think of anything worth sharing. But it’s nice to put in something. The key to every detail in your bio is: Will it be meaningful—or perhaps charming—to the agent/editor? If you can’t confidently answer yes, leave it out. In order of importance, these are the categories of pertinent info:

Fiction writing credits. Be specific about your credits for this to be meaningful. Don’t say you’ve been published “in a variety of journals.” You might as well be unpublished if you don’t want to name them. If you have no fiction writing credits, you don’t need to state that you’re unpublished. That point will be made clear by the fact of omission.

Nonfiction writing credits. Many novelists wonder if it’s helpful to list nonfiction credits. Yes, mention notable credits when they show you have some experience working with editors or understanding how the professional writing world works. That said: Academic or trade journal credits can be tricky, since they definitely don’t convey fiction writing ability. Use your discretion, but it’s probably not going to be deal breaker either way. I’d leave out credits like your church newsletter or credits that hold little to no significance for the publishing industry professionals.

Self-published books. Sooner or later this information will have to come out, so it’s usually just a matter of timing. Lots of people have done it, and past self-publishing doesn’t really hurt your chances with a new, fresh project. However, if you’re trying to get an agent or publisher for a book or series that’s already been self-published, my advice is to not bother trying. If your self-published book was successful enough for a traditional publishing deal, you probably would’ve had agents or publishers already knocking on your door. Do not make the mistake of thinking your self-publishing credits make you somehow more desirable as an author, unless you have really incredible sales success, in which case, mention the sales numbers of your book and how long it’s been on sale.

Your profession. If your career lends you credibility to write a better story, by all means mention it. But don’t go into lengthy detail. Teachers of K-12 who are writing children’s/YA often mention their teaching experience as some kind of credential for writing children’s/YA, but it’s not, so don’t treat it like one in the bio. (Perhaps it goes without saying, but parents should not treat their parent status as a credential to write for children either.)

Writing cred. It makes sense to mention any writing-related degrees you have, any major professional writing organizations you belong to (e.g., RWA, MWA, SCBWI), and possibly any major events/retreats/workshops you’ve attended to help you develop your career as a writer. You needn’t say that you frequent such-and-such online community, or that you belong to a writers’ group the agent would’ve never heard of. (Mentioning this won’t necessarily hurt you, but it’s not proving anything either.)

Special research. If your book is the product of some intriguing or unusual research (you spent a year in the Congo), mention it. These unique details can catch the attention of an editor or agent.

Major awards/competitions. Most writers should not mention awards or competitions they’ve won because they are too small to matter. If the award isn’t widely recognizable to the majority of publishing professionals, then the only way to convey the significance of an award is to talk about how many people you beat out. Usually the entry number needs to be in the thousands to impress an agent/editor. If you have no meaningful publication credits, don’t try to invent any. If you have no professional credentials, no research to mention, no awards to your name—nothing notable at all to share—don’t add a weak line or two in an attempt to make up for it. Just end the letter. You’re still completely respectable. On the other end of the spectrum: avoid cataloguing every single thing you’ve ever done in your writing life. Don’t talk about starting to write when you were in second grade. Don’t talk about how much you’ve improved your writing in the last few years. Don’t talk about how much you enjoy returning to writing in your retirement. Just mention a few highlights that prove your seriousness and devotion to the craft of writing. If unsure, leave it out. If your bio can reveal something of your voice or personality, all the better. While the query isn’t the place to digress or mention irrelevant info, there’s something to be said for expressing something about yourself that gives insight into the kind of author you are—that ineffable you. Charm helps.

Novel queries don’t have to address market concerns Don’t be tempted to elaborate on the audience or market for your novel. This is often misunderstood since nonfiction writers do have to talk about market concerns. However, when it comes to selling fiction, you don’t talk about the trends in the market, or about the target audience. You sell the story.

Also, novelists don’t need to discuss their marketing plan or platform. Sometimes you might mention your website or blog, especially if you feel confident about its presentation. The truth is the agent/editor is going to Google you anyway, and find your website/blog whether you mention it or not (unless you’re writing under a different name). Keep in mind that having an online presence helps show you’ll likely be a good marketer and promoter of your work—especially if you have a sizable readership already—but it doesn’t say anything about your ability to write a great story. That said, if you have 100,000+ fans/readers on Wattpad or at your blog, that should be in your query letter.

Close your letter professionally

You don’t read much advice about how to close a query letter, perhaps because there’s not much to it, right? You say thanks and sign your name. But here’s how to leave a good final impression. You don’t have to state that you are simultaneously querying. Everyone assumes this. (I do not recommend exclusive queries; send queries out in batches of three to five—or more, if you’re confident in your query quality.) If your manuscript is under consideration at another agency, then mention it if/when the next agent requests to see your manuscript. If you have a series in mind, this is a good time to mention it. But don’t belabor the point; it should take a sentence.

Resist the temptation to editorialize. This is where you proclaim how much the agent will love the work, or how exciting it is, or how it’s going to be a bestseller if only someone would give it a chance, or how much your kids enjoy it, or how much the world needs this work. Basically, avoid directly commenting on the quality of your work (whether to flatter yourself or criticize yourself). Your query should show what a good writer you are, rather than you telling or emphasizing what a good writer you are.

Thank the agent, but don’t carry on unnecessarily, or be incredibly subservient—or beg. (“I know you’re very busy and I would be forever indebted and grateful if you would just look at a few pages.”) There’s no need to go into great detail about when and how you’re available. At the bottom of your letter, include your email address and phone number. Do not introduce the idea of an in-person meeting. Do not say you’ll be visiting their city soon, and ask if they’d like to meet for coffee. The only possible exception to this is if you know you’ll hear them speak at an upcoming conference—but don’t ask for a meeting. Just say you look forward to hearing them speak. Use the conference’s official channels to set up an appointment if any are available.

Appropriate query length

In its entirety, the query shouldn’t run more than 1 page, single spaced, if printed, or somewhere around 200 to 400 words. I recommend brevity, especially if you lack confidence. Brevity gets you in less trouble. The more you try to explain, the more you’ll squeeze the life out of your story. So: Get in, get out.

The following stuff doesn’t belong in the query:

• Your many years of effort and dedication

• How much your family and friends love your work

• How many times you’ve been rejected or close accepts

• How much money you’ve invested in editors or editing

• Such-and-such well-known person has read your work and/or offered advice on it. Perhaps it’s boosted your ego or confidence that some VIP has read your work or offered a critique. But agents/editors will make up their own mind, and if your VIP really believed in your work, why aren’t they offering you a referral to their agent or editor?

Special advice on email queries

Email queries tend to get read and rejected more quickly than snail mail queries; with that in mind, you may want to create two separate versions of your query letter, one for email and another for printing. Here’s a formatting process I recommend:

• Write your query in Word or TextEdit. Strip out all formatting. (Usually there is an option under “Save As” that will allow you to save as simple text.)

• Send the query without any formatting and without any indents (block style).

• Use CAPS for anything that would normally be in italics.

• Don’t use address, date headers, or contact information at the beginning of the e-mail; put all of that stuff at the bottom, underneath your name.

• The first line should read: “Dear [Agent Name]:”

Some writers structure their e-queries differently from paper queries—they make them shorter or add more paragraph breaks. Consider how much the agent can see of your e-query on the first screen, without scrolling. That’s probably how far they will read before responding or hitting delete. Adjust your query accordingly. Usually the hook should go first, unless you have a strong personalization angle. If you have an e-mail address for an editor/agent who doesn’t accept e-mail queries, you can try sending your query on a hope and a prayer, but you probably won’t receive a response. In fact, I’ve heard many writers complain that they never receive a response from email queries. (Sometimes silence is the new rejection.) This is a phenomenon that must be regrettably accepted. Send one follow-up to inquire, but don’t keep sending e-mails to ascertain if your e-query was received.

You’ve sent your query—now what? If you don’t hear back, follow up after the stated response time using the same method as the original query. If no response time is given, wait about 1 month. If querying via snail mail, include another copy of the query. If you still don’t hear back after one follow-up attempt, assume it’s a rejection, and move on. Do not phone or visit. If an agent asks for an exclusive read on your manuscript, that means no one else can read the manuscript while they’re considering it. I don’t recommend granting an exclusive unless it’s for a very short period (maybe 2 weeks). In non-exclusive situations (which should be most situations): If you have a second request for the manuscript before you hear back from the first agent, then as a courtesy, let the second agent know it’s also under consideration elsewhere (though you needn’t say with whom). If the second agent offers you representation first, go back to the first agent and let her know you’ve been made an offer, and give her a chance to respond.

Additional resources on query letters: QueryShark, run by an agent who critiques queries. AgentQuery: a database of agents, plus a community that can help critique your letter.

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Sercices
paulthayerbookeditor.com


Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge to help writers who still have a lot to learn, offering them critiques and line editing of their work.

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The secret grammar of love

THIS tale is a romantic one—or so it may appear. The story begins with an email that John received one day from his new girlfriend. Consider how pleased he must have felt to read this note from Jane:

Dear John:I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy—will you let me be yours?
Jane

Unfortunately, John was far from pleased. In fact, he was heartbroken. You see, John was familiar with Jane’s peculiar ways of misusing punctuation marks. And so to decipher the true meaning of her email, he had to reread it with the marks altered:

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jane

This old grammarian’s joke was made up, of course.

To get a whole buncha grammar lessons, click here: DailyGrammar.com

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Services
http://paulthayerbookeditor.com


Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge to help writers who still have a lot to learn, offering them critiques and line editing of their work.

Did you like this post? If so, please click Like and share it.

 

The top 25 grammatical terms you should know

1. ACTIVE VOICE

Active voice is a type of sentence or clause in which the subject performs or causes the action expressed by the verb. Contrast with Passive Voice below. Example: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” (Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs, 1991)

2. ADJECTIVE

An adjective is the part of speech (or word class) that modifies a noun or a pronoun. Example: “Send this pestilent, traitorous, cow-hearted, yeasty codpiece to the brig.” (Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, 2007)

3. ADVERB

An adverb is the part of speech that modifies a verb, adjective, or other adverb. Example: “There I was, standing there in the church, and for the first time in my whole life I realized I totally and utterly loved one person.” (Charles to Carrie in Four Weddings and a Funeral, 1994)

4. CLAUSE

A clause is a group of words that contains a subject and a predicate. A clause may be either a sentence (independent clause) or a sentence-like construction included within another sentence (that is, a dependent clause). Example: “Don’t ever argue with the big dog [independent clause], because the big dog is always right [dependent clause].” (Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive, 1993)

5. COMPLEX SENTENCE

A complex sentence is a sentence that contains at least one independent clause and one dependent clause. Example: “Don’t ever argue with the big dog [independent clause], because the big dog is always right [dependent clause].” (Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive, 1993)

6. COMPOUND SENTENCE

A compound sentence is a sentence that contains at least two independent clauses, often joined by a conjunction. Example: “I can’t compete with you physically [independent clause], and you’re no match for my brains [independent clause].” (Vizzini in The Princess Bride, 1987)

7. CONJUNCTION

A conjunction is a word that connects sentences, phrases or clauses. Example:  “I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.” (Vizzini in The Princess Bride, 1987). Common conjunctions include and, but, for, nor, or, so and yet.

8. DECLARATIVE SENTENCE

A declarative sentence is a sentence that makes a statement. Example: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” (Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs, 1991)

9. DEPENDENT CLAUSE

A dependent clause is a group of words that begins with a relative pronoun or a subordinating conjunction. A dependent clause has both a subject and a verb but (unlike an independent clause) cannot stand alone as a sentence. Also known as a subordinate clause. Example: “Don’t ever argue with the big dog [independent clause], because the big dog is always right [dependent clause].” (Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive, 1993)

10. DIRECT OBJECT

A direct object is a noun or pronoun that receives the action of a transitive verb. Example: “I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers.” (Sophia in The Color Purple, 1985)

11. EXCLAMATORY SENTENCE

An exclamatory sentence is a sentence that expresses strong feelings by making an exclamation. Example: “God! Look at that thing! You would’ve gone straight to the bottom!” (Jack Dawson looking at Rose’s ring in Titanic, 1997)

12. IMPERATIVE SENTENCE

An imperative sentence is a sentence that gives advice or instructions or that expresses a request or a command. Example: “Send this pestilent, traitorous, cow-hearted, yeasty codpiece to the brig.” (Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, 2007)

13. INDEPENDENT CLAUSE

An independent clause is a group of words made up of a subject and a predicate. An independent clause (unlike a dependent clause) can stand alone as a sentence. Also known as a main clause. Example: “Don’t ever argue with the big dog [independent clause], because the big dog is always right [dependent clause].” (Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard in The Fugitive, 1993)

14. INDIRECT OBJECT

An indirect object is really a prepositional phrase in which the preposition to or for is not stated but understood. It tells to whom or for whom something is done. The indirect object always comes between the verb and the direct object. Example:  “The doctor sent me (indirect object) a bill (direct object) for his services.

15. INTERROGATIVE SENTENCE

An interrogative sentence is a sentence that asks a question. Example: “What is the name of the Lone Ranger’s nephew’s horse?” (Mr. Parker in A Christmas Story, 1983)

16. NOUN

A noun is the part of speech that is used to name a person, place, thing, quality, or action and can function as the subject or object of a verb, the object of a preposition, or an appositive. Example: “Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikas.” (Harry Burns in When Harry Met Sally, 1989)

17. PASSIVE VOICE

Passive voice is a type of sentence or clause in which the subject receives the action of the verb. Contrast with Active Voice. Example: The jewelry was stolen by burglars. In the active voice this sentence would read: Burglars stole the jewelry.

18. PREDICATE

A predicate is one of the two main parts of a sentence or clause that modifies the subject and includes the verb, objects, or phrases governed by the verb. It is everything that is not the subject. Example: The man from the shop is a crook .

19. PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE

A phrase that begins with a preposition and ends in a noun, pronoun, or noun phrase. Example: “He is from Russia.From Russia is a prepositional phrase. Common prepositions include about, below, off, toward, above, for, to, on, under, across, from, onto, after, in, out, between, by, at, around, and before.

20. PRONOUN

A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun. Example: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” (Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs, 1991)

21. SENTENCE

A sentence is most commonly a group of words that expresses a complete idea. Conventionally, a sentence includes a subject and a verb. It begins with a capital letter and concludes with a mark of end punctuation. Example: “I don’t ever remember feeling this awake.” (Thelma Dickinson in Thelma and Louise, 1991)

22. SIMPLE SENTENCE

A simple sentence is a sentence with only one independent clause (also known as a main clause). Example: “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” (Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs, 1991)

23. SUBJECT

The subject of a sentence is the person, place, thing, or idea that is doing or being something. You can find the subject of a sentence if you can find the verb. Ask the question, “Who or what “verbs” or “verbed”?” and the answer to that question is the subject. Example: Jack threw the ball.

24. TENSE

Tense is the time of a verb’s action or state of being, such as past, present, and future. Example: “Years ago, you served [past tense] my father in the Clone Wars; now he begs [present tense] you to help him in his struggle against the Empire.” (Princess Leia to General Kenobi in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, 1977)

25. VERB

A verb is the part of speech that describes an action or occurrence or indicates a state of being. Example: “Send this pestilent, traitorous, cow-hearted, yeasty codpiece to the brig.” (Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, 2007.)

Paul Thayer
Thayer Literary Services
paulthayerbookeditor.com


Paul Thayer is a full-time professional book editor with more than 35 years of experience. During that time he worked in the trenches of the real world of writers, editors, and publishers. He uses his extensive knowledge to help writers who still have a lot to learn, offering them critiques and line editing of their work.

Did you like this post? If so, please click Like and share it.